Kindly, Kayla

Hi friends!

Super happy to be back with another blog post. Honestly, I’ve been feeling a little writer’s block and not feeling really sure what I should write about. I’ve had a few ideas but I haven’t felt ready to write on those topics yet because it didn’t feel like it would be coming from my heart and it didn’t feel real.

Yesterday, I got inspired to write THIS blog post by one of my sorority sisters in college named Chloe! She wrote about how even though she’s been blessed with a great job after college and thought everything would continue to be great after college, life has truly been hard and different. And that has been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart lately so I wanted to write about my experience of life after graduating from college.

Truly I didn’t know what I was going to do after college. I didn’t have a job lined up or even an internship and suddenly I started to get nervous and even feel bad about myself because I didn’t have a plan when it seemed like everyone around me did. It gets especially harder when people around you keep asking What are you doing after graduation? What’s next? I got to the point where I wanted to just say nothing because it was getting to be so overwhelming having to answer that question when you’re not really sure yourself. Why do we rush so fast to the next thing instead of focusing on the great accomplishment of graduating from college??!! Ultimately I had planned on going to grad school to get my master’s degree in what I studied in undergrad and hoped that something would pop up and prayed to God that something would come through.

It came through. Now I work at a library and plan on getting my master’s degree in library science! What a 180 right? I didn’t even have that in mind as a job. God literally led me to it without me having to move a muscle. It came naturally and that’s how I knew it was from Him. 

I said all that to say that even though I truly feel like I am walking in God’s purpose for my life. I have never felt so lonely and isolated. I don’t really keep in touch with my college friends because they’re all in different stages, places, and doing their own thing. Other friends have come a gone and suddenly I feel like I’ve been left behind and kicked to the curb. And I realize that sounds dramatic but going on social media and seeing people move on without you truly can hurt. Weekend after weekend I find myself wondering what’s wrong with me after I see people doing fun things with friends and I’m sitting at home reading a book. I try and cheer myself up and say that it’s by choice when really I wish I had more friends who wanted to go and do fun things! Like going to coffee shops and reading our bibles together and having girls night. I found myself starting to question God and say why don’t I have that? I feel like I have been putting effort in trying to put myself out there but it seems like nothing ever works out. Is there something that is wrong about me that I need to change in order to have people want to hang out with me? 

And then God answered me. I was in my happy place, Books-A-Million lol, when this book stood out to me on the shelf called Seasons of Waiting by Barb Hill. I ended up buying it and doing one of the devotionals one night and it said this:

 “It can be healing to realize the nos are because of what is right about you. Have you been tempted to believe that you’re waiting because of something that’s wrong with you? Consider the Old Testament stories of Joseph, David, and Abraham. They waited much longer than they imagined for promises to be fulfilled. Joseph waited 13 years for his dream to come to pass, David waited about 22 years to be recognized as king, and Abraham waited 25 years to hold his promised child. It’s possible they looked inward and questioned whether the delay was because of something wrong with them. In reality, God’s infinite love for them was at the heart of the delay.”

I choose to believe that God is preparing me for those Godly friendships. I believe that I am in this season of my life to get closer to Him so I can be a great friend to the ones that He sends me in HIS timing, not mine. Sometimes the day to day mundane things can feel boring, but I choose to view it as a blessing. I get to spend undivided time with Jesus and truly get to know His character while the Holy Spirit works in me, making me more like Him. God has a great plan for my life. I am seeing it come to fruition. If he blesses me in one area like my job, why wouldn’t He bless me in friendships? I truly believe that God knows the desires of my heart and will work out everything for my good. 

I also liked what Chloe said in her blog post about not being mad or bitter towards other people for moving on and being in different seasons! Life is different for all of us and we have to be understanding and forgiving even when it hurts.

At the end of the day, I know that I am never truly alone. God is with me and He will never leave me. Instead of looking to others first to make me feel seen, I will look to my Father who has already told me that He is here for me, always. 

SCRIPTURES:

“And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

“Take delight in the Lord,  and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

“But if we look forward to something we don’t have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently.” Romans 8:25

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Thank you Chloe, for inspiring me to write this blog post. And shout out to Kennede for being a true friend when I needed it the most.

Thank you so much for reading this blog post. This was a real one, truly coming from my heart.

Kindly,

Kayla