Kindly, Kayla

Usually, when I write my blog posts, I’m reflecting on a previous season of my life. Whether it be last week, last month, or last year. I’m writing from the perspective of being out of whatever I was going through, with a newfound vision and revelation of what the season was for. I often share how I see how God was using it for my good. 

However, in this blog post, I’m going to be sharing what I’m currently going through. This current season of my life where I feel drained, tired, burnt out, exhausted, and ready to give up. I’m tired of trying. 

I feel like it’s good to be honest and share these true feelings and experiences because you may be going through something similar and need some encouragement. Something where you can feel seen.

There have been so many things in this season that have felt like one hard thing after another. I feel like I am constantly waiting on something new. Healing, restoration, peace, all the things. Lately, things haven’t been turning out like I thought they would.

I was SO excited to finally have a teacher’s assistant position, and it felt perfect and heaven-sent. All down to the teacher I was paired with, the classroom number, and how I got the job in the first place. I came to love my kids, even though they are never quiet lol. Being in the classroom was fun!

Then, the teacher I was paired with had plans to quit, and suddenly everything was changing. But God. The receptionist position opened up at the school, and guess what? I got the job!! It was another way I felt that God was/is working because of how fast the transition process was and how it ended up being perfect in its timing.

But everything is not what it seems. Being the receptionist of a school is nothing like I expected it to be. It’s draining answering to everyone. Angry parents who are about to curse you out when you’re just the messenger. Teachers that are annoyed because you keep buzzing their rooms and yell when you didn’t send down admin to their class quick enough. Coworkers who aren’t so nice and seem just a bit irritated to have to be training you. The fear of letting the wrong person in the school. Add all of this to my graduate studies, housework, health issues (that I thought I would already be healed from by now), church obligations……..MAN IM TIRED!

To be honest, life doesn’t feel fun right now. But one thing that I am desperately trying to remind myself is that God is in control. Even though things may not be what I want them to be, ultimately I just have to trust that God’s plan is best and perfect. Maybe one day in the future I’ll understand why this season is necessary. Maybe it’s preparing me for something greater. Maybe it’s pruning me, making me more like Christ. Honestly, I don’t like it. I don’t see the vision. And I wish this season was over. But! Once again. God knows best and He knows what I need. And I just have to trust Him.

My mom sent me the verse of the day from the Bible app the other day and it came from Psalm 31. I decided to read it in its entirety and it really spoke to me.

¹ In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
    let me never be put to shame;
    deliver me in your righteousness.
² Turn your ear to me,
    come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
    a strong fortress to save me.
³ Since you are my rock and my fortress,
    for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
⁴ Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
    for you are my refuge.
⁵ Into your hands I commit my spirit;
    deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.

⁶ I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
    as for me, I trust in the Lord.
⁷ I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
    for you saw my affliction
    and knew the anguish of my soul.
⁸ You have not given me into the hands of the enemy
    but have set my feet in a spacious place.

⁹ Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and body with grief.
¹⁰ My life is consumed by anguish
    and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,^[b]
    and my bones grow weak.
¹¹ Because of all my enemies,
    I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
    those who see me on the street flee from me.
¹² I am forgotten as though I were dead;
    I have become like broken pottery.
¹³ For I hear many whispering,
    “Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
    and plot to take my life.

¹⁴ But I trust in you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my God.”
¹⁵ My times are in your hands;
    deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
    from those who pursue me.
¹⁶ Let your face shine on your servant;
    save me in your unfailing love.
¹⁷ Let me not be put to shame, Lord,
    for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
    and be silent in the realm of the dead.
¹⁸ Let their lying lips be silenced,
    for with pride and contempt
    they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

¹⁹ How abundant are the good things
    that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
    on those who take refuge in you.
²⁰ In the shelter of your presence you hide them
    from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
    from accusing tongues.

²¹ Praise be to the Lord,
    for he showed me the wonders of his love
    when I was in a city under siege.
²² In my alarm I said,
    “I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
    when I called to you for help.

²³ Love the Lord, all his faithful people!
    The Lord preserves those who are true to him,
    but the proud he pays back in full.
²⁴ Be strong and take heart,
    all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalms 31:1-24 NIV

This is what the Bible app said about this passage:

“Psalm 31 is a heartfelt prayer of King David, a man who experienced numerous trials and challenges throughout his life. It’s a powerful reminder that even in the darkest moments of our lives, God remains steadfast and faithful to those who seek Him.

In Psalm 31:21-22, David feels trapped. He recalls a time when he was in a city under siege, feeling cut off from God’s sight, engulfed by feelings of despair or isolation. But David didn’t lose sight of God’s character and faithfulness. He cried out to the Lord for mercy and, in response, God heard his plea and extended His hand.

Have you ever felt trapped?

This passage is a reminder that God’s love and mercy are never far away. When we call out to Him with sincerity, He hears our cries and responds with compassion.”

Wow! In no way is my situation comparable to David’s but it’s comforting to know that it’s okay to feel these feelings and bring them to God. It’s also important to know that just because we feel this way, it doesn’t mean it’s true. We may feel isolated but we are never alone. We may feel trapped but God will set us free. Meditating on scriptures like this make me feel seen, less alone in my struggles, and it gives me hope to know that my deliverance is on the other side of this trial. 

How I’m Getting out of this Slump 💗

I want to share some practical things that I am actively doing to not feel so worn out by life. It’s easier said than done sometimes to just “be joyful,” so I wanted to share some ways I’m connecting with Christ so that He can restore the joy in me!

• Reading the Bible on my desktop computer when I’m stressed at work.
• Journaling and bringing my true feelings to God because He’s not offended by our questions and by our doubt. He wants us to bring it to Him so that He can show us the way.
• Reading the book Tired of Trying: How to Hold On to God When You’re Frustrated, Fed Up, and Feeling Forgotten by Ashley Morgan Jackson.
• Feeling my feelings. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be upset. Have you read the Psalms? Have you read Lamentations? Have you read The Book of Job? I always feel better once I let it out instead of bottling it up. I’m learning how to take these emotions to God and fully surrender, letting Him comfort me.
• Focusing on letting God love me as His daughter. Not striving but resting in His perfect love.

All in all, if you feel like giving up, you are not alone! Me too, bestie! But we will get through this season together, trusting that God’s plans for us are good. I’ll be praying for you as you walk through this season. Just know that you are loved, and that God is in control.

Thank you for reading.

Kindly,

Kayla

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV